in the bag after two games the All Blacks only really have to

The recent womens Olympic marathon trials finish in Los Angeles was both frustrating and inspiring for me. The event was nationally broadcast live for the first time, so we could witness the front of the pack gutting out the last four miles -- including Amy Cragg desperately pulling along her fading friend and teammate, Shalane Flanagan, grabbing water for her, slowing her own pace and encouraging Flanagan with words we couldnt hear. Even after shed left Flanagan, Cragg continued looking back to encourage her. Like many watching, I was inspired by Craggs selflessness and sportsmanship.Cragg won the race and Flanagan finished third, ensuring both will compete in the 2016 Rio Games. The finish-line shot of Cragg catching Flanagan in her arms as her legs collapsed brought tears to my eyes as I remembered how many women have helped me through races and workouts and how many have caught me at the finish line. But I also couldnt help wondering, Would a man work so hard to pull along a teammate?I could hear my fathers frustrated voice in my head, speaking to me after a high school cross country race in which Id admitted to feeling guilty for beating a friend. Why?! hed exclaimed, baffled. Dont wait. Its your race. Dont think twice next time. Just pass her.Athletic marketers might argue women-only races have increased in popularity because they offer an empowering environment. But I think competing against women can create more stress -- especially when youre competing against women you consider friends. Ive found through both racing and coaching others that women feel (or are made to feel) guilty after leaving a female friend behind in a race. On multiple occasions Ive stood with friends on starting lines negotiating whether or not to run separately.For years as a running and triathlon coach, competitive athlete and linguist, I have struggled with a perceived conflict over how competitive drive and female friendship can safely coexist. I was struck when a friend and former Division I runner recalled her college coach saying to her, Some days I think all I have to do is to get you girls to hate each other and then youll run faster. While, sadly, this may be half true, surely there are healthier ways to develop a successful team. That, combined with my feelings about the marathon trials, made me want to better understand the dynamics of female friends in competition.My friend, my competitorWomen are taught from a young age to help, cooperate with and be empathetic of others. When I was 4 years old, I learned that being bossy was wrong. Then, 10 years later, I was expected to be a boss on the field, taking control and beating my female friends on the track. Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, in her keynote speech at the 2006 WNBA Celebrating Inspiration event, said, There is a special place in hell for women who dont help other women. But how do you help someone if you are trying to beat her?I think women have to be confident in their own?failures and?successes in order for friendships to exist outside of?competition, says Erica Allar, 30, a pro cyclist from North Carolina. They have to understand that failures and successes in?competition do not define individuals as a person or define a friendship.I didnt understand this as a high school runner. Whether my friends liked me or not heavily influenced my performance -- not the reverse. On more than one occasion I hesitated passing a teammate in a race, fearful that girl might hold it against me, which would create a rift in our friendship at school.When I began running cross country my freshman year, I consistently ran with one sophomore girl during the 5k and then outkicked her at the end of each race. During one race, sensing my desire to pick up the pace, she instructed me, Not yet, Amanda. Dont go yet. I hesitated for a moment, then I heard my fathers voice insisting, What are you waiting for?! I ran ahead. Later, I heard shed passed out on the course and had to be driven by ambulance to the hospital. I felt horribly guilty. Over the next two years competing with her, I never beat her again. And I never tried.Fearing this response to competition could seep into other areas of my life, my father sent me to a sports psychologist. He helped me address the negative self-talk that was destroying me before I toed the line.When I began coaching cross country and track at DePauw University, my father gave me a book hed read when I was in high school, Games Girls Play: Understanding Young Female Athletes in Competition. The book describes a study of 115 professional tennis players, in which females were reported to be more affected than males by self-confidence and fan behavior.Road and mountain runner Melody Fairchild, a two-time Olympic trials qualifier and eight-time national champion, sees that in the performance of young women on the high school cross country teams and camps she coaches.Their identity is so tightly wrapped up in how others see them that they let that get in the way of performing their best, says Fairchild, 42, who was the first high school girl in the U.S. to break 10 minutes for two miles. My running was a pure expression of living with heart. And Im still wildly curious to figure out that magic key to help these young, altruistic women find a way to feel comfortable giving the best of themselves.A delicate balanceThe difficulty in balancing friendship and performance is something Sara Kadlec, 31, can attest to in her own training. If I feel better than expected at a workout I had planned to do with a friend, I wouldnt think of leaving her or running ahead. Id stay within the controlled pace we had planned to run. But when Ive discussed this with men, they think this is absolutely absurd. Its a workout, theyll say, youre supposed to go hard.Holding back is not something one would associate with Kadlec:?Shes a new mother, physicians assistant in neurosurgery, national podium-placing ski mountaineer and sub-three-hour marathoner. And yet, its something she might do in a workout to preserve harmony with a friend.When developing intimacy and maintaining a level playing field are traits young girls learn early, how do adult women separate competition from friendship? For me, it was about learning how to separate myself as a competitor from myself as a friend -- a skill that took me years to master.I wish at 15 years old I could have compartmentalized my relationships with competitors like pro mountain biker and college professor Becky Edmiston, who says in a race she encounters three groups of people: Women I dont know and I want to beat, women I know (whose friendship I value) and I want to beat, and women that rub me the wrong way and I want to beat.Edmiston says she trains with and encourages her friends. If I find myself passing a friend I might tell them to come with me. But Im not waiting around for them.Pam Landry, a sports psychologist and coach at The Athletes Edge in New Haven, Connecticut, finds herself working with many female athletes who struggle to balance friendship and competition. She says complications can arise when feeling guilty is associated with caring -- an association many women have been taught to make. The underlying implication behind this logic is that in order to be a good person or friend, Landry says, you must show you care by feeling guilty and then prove it by conforming to the perceived needs of those around you.Landry asks her athletes to rewrite the script in their head by asking themselves, What am I afraid of when I run faster or improve more than my friends? Disapproval from others or myself? Fear of failure or success?Another way to remain objective during competition is to tell yourself, No judgment, just execution. Landry says. Once this cue becomes an automatic pre-competitive response it helps the athlete to avoid letting feelings of friendship for their fellow competitors override their competitive drive.The goal is to teach the athlete that being the better performer does not make you the lesser person. It simply means that youre actively pursuing excellence.What Ive learnedCommunicating your goals before a race can help maintain a friendship, says coach and researcher Joanna Zeiger, who finished fourth in the triathlon at the 2000 Sydney Olympics. I ran the 2013 L.A. Marathon with [close friend and training partner] Colleen De Reuck. At Mile 17, I knew I was fading. Rather than let her wonder if she should wait or go, I told her I was struggling and that I would see her at the finish line.Ive adopted that policy of communication in my own friendships with fellow athletes as Ive grown. Recently, at the start of a long run with a group of friends, a very talented and competitive woman in her 30s said, Im feeling slow today. Dont wait up for me. I could tell she wasnt feeling 100 percent, but her silent treatment when she returned from the run, after trailing us the whole way, made it clear she had expected us to, indeed, wait up for her. I didnt feel guilty this time. I reminded her of what shed said and she accepted some responsibility. After eight years of training together, this was an overdue step in the right direction for our friendship and success as athletes.Healthy friendships and competition can coexist in the presence of confidence, honesty and direct communication. These are the traits that made for such a compelling finish to the marathon trials, and theyre what will make me root for Shalane Flanagan and Amy Cragg even harder at the Rio Olympics.Amanda McCracken is a Boulder-based writer, runner, and coach. 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LOUIS -- St. Even trying to knock New Zealand off their game with a bit of niggle didnt work for Australia, and the way the All Blacks refused to be drawn into that sort of contest again spoke volumes for their Blacks attitude.The Aussies brought more grit to the game but, again, they didnt have the arsenal. New Zealands hard men -- Dane Coles, Brodie Retallick, Jerome Kaino and Kieran Read -- all fronted and stood up and went straight back at them. You would have to say that approach didnt really help Australias cause.I think they played better than in the first Test but at the same time it was good for the All Blacks to be exposed to that. There was a bit more intent and more of the physicality that you would expect, but there is a clear gap between the two teams.Theres an old cliché that you win the fight if youre not going to win the game, and I think the Wallabies employing that niggle was a defeatist sort of approach. When you go into a game looking to put niggle in youve already put the white flag up. Youre basically saying: Theres no way we can beat this team so well try and kneecap them where we can and try and nullify parts of it.If they concentrated on their own game and the brand and style they wanted to play its a different story; but when you get a 10 and a 12 who havent played together before then defensively they are fragile. Australia were throwing all they but they didnt have the firepower to beat the All Blacks, and with the injuries they have sustained it was desperate measures.Theyd been through a really, really tough week and it would have been great to see them come out being a little humble and gallant at the end. The best thing you can do is applaud the All Blacks on their performance. But to carry on the way Michael Cheika has done, blaming the referee and getting really upset in the coaches box, not many people are going to sympathise with him.They were under pressure with injuries, and thats something the All Blacks dont face. With Matt Giteau gone, youve got Bernard Foley and Quade Cooper, and you have to ask: Who is the next best first five-eighth?Compare that to New Zealand, who have Beauden Barrett, Lima Sopoaga, Aaron Cruden, Damian McKenzie, Jordie Barrett, Otere Black and Richard Mounga all coming through; and we are going to see in the Mitre 10 Cup a whole lot more who are going to stick their hand up.You can look at second five-eighth Anton Lienert-Brown and the way he stepped up when given his chance. He is a classic example of the system at work, and he did not look at all out of place in that side. He showed the right temperament in the right environment and you want to nurture that.The foundation to the New Zealand game is reflected by the cream at the top. People ask about New Zealands dominance, and it comes right back to the grassroots at club or schoolboy level and taking that all the way through to the All Blacks.The stepping stones are there to really develop professional rugby players. Australia dont have that model, and rugby sits probably fourth or fifth, and falling, in the landscape as a winter code, and you have to ask if the seriously best athletes choose to play rugby. The answer is probably nnot.dddddddddddd Thats why they tap into the Pacific Islands and tap into New Zealand.Steve Hansen is right when he says rugby needs Australia strong; its in the games best interests. When you think they were involved in the Rugby World Cup final with no given that the All Blacks were going to walk away with that game, you have to ask what has happened in the space of 10 months? It is of concern and while the model has everyone chasing the dollar, it is still the foundations of the game that are crucial. The amateur develops the semi-professional who develops the professional and then the internationals. And those stepping stones arent there inside Australia.Its not an easy fix and its not an overnight fix. The rest of the world is always looking at New Zealand and what we are doing and, again, I go back to the importance of the Mitre 10 Cup and what it means for New Zealand to develop that next level of player. Its the foundation of everything we do that is good in rugby.So far as the alleged eye-gouging is concerned, I dont think there was anything in it and the Australia reaction is born out of frustration. Owen Franks didnt put his finger in his eye, he ran his hand down Kane Douglas face. The referee made the right decision and moved on.Theres many a time at the bottom of a ruck Ive had a finger in the eye. It does go on but the Franks incident was nothing and because it has been highlighted the right people who make the decisions have said there was nothing in it and that is the end of the matter.Argentina have produced an interesting win over South Africa, and it bears out the point that you dont invite teams into the Rugby Championship and expect them to get worse; you want them to improve and Argentina have done as a result of their introduction to the Championship and also Super Rugby.There are some great games still to be played in the competition with Argentina and South Africa both coming to New Zealand to play the All Blacks, but you would have to say that with their maximum 10 points from their two games the All Blacks are off to a flyer. Theyre going to be hard to catch.At the same time, teams like Argentina and South Africa will come to New Zealand looking to play their biggest game of the season and there is always the chance they will pull a top performance out of the bag. However, with the Bledisloe Cup in the bag after two games the All Blacks only really have to worry about the All Blacks.The position the All Blacks are in now allows assessments to be made of players on the fringe of the side well before the next Rugby World Cup. I think it is great that players are being given these chances like James Parsons and Seta Tamanivalu.In the past the All Blacks have been guilty of not giving guys opportunities, but under Steve Hansen such a wide base has been created to select from that it is only going to make the All Blacks stronger.And the fact is that in another nine or 10 weeks at the end of the Mitre 10 Cup we are going to have a whole bunch of other youngsters putting their hands up. ' ' '